Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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