i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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