I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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