I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am mentally ready for anal.
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