genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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