So drunk its hurt
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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