I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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