I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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