Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize