My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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