My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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