You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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