i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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