i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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