I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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