I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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