Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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