There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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