it's too hot outside to masturbate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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