i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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