I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the raccoons are back...
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