I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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