saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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