Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize