i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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