i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize