she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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