don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize