is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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