ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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