Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize