this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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