I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize