Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize