i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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