Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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