I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize