One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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