All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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