My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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