Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm really busy with my period
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