Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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