This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize