you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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