Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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