And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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