his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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