rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize