Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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