True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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